These are the days. The days I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I know i hurt myself with the choices I make but I don't know how to get out of it.
Today, we had a Good Friday chapel at school. A girl gave a testimony all about being raped, drinking, self image and all sorts of struggles like that. It really struck me. I had held it all together until my friend Lindy went to give me a hug. I completely lost it and started sobbing on her shoulder. Then I was crying on Annie and Grace and I didn't know what to do. Lately everything's been a struggle. Boys are dumb and just don't care about me and it makes me so angry. He ignores me and doesn't act like he cares about me in any way whatsoever. I'm struggling with grades and the way that I look at myself. I can't seem to get out of the way that I view myself. Everything seems wrong and I know that it's wrong but I can't help it. I just can't seem to get it through my head that God completely loves me. I find it so hard to believe that God did for ME. It just seems so impossible that I find it so hard to believe. How is that true?
I'm hoping that, after my breakdown today, and skipping an hour and a half of practice with Annie, Coach, and Grace, I hope that I can move forward and get over t his. Maybe, it will just take time. It seems that that is what everything needs. Time. How do I even stay patient and persevere for long enough that I actually get through this. Maybe, this is one of the times when I will learn to completely rely on Christ. All I know, is that I can try as hard as I can and hope that he will do the rest.
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